Hic!
by inmybubble
Summary: emmett has the hiccups. that is SO not a good thing. disaster ensues. and why the pantyhose and bad jokes?
1. Chapter 1

It was raining. Emmett and Rosalie were, as usual, were bickering. It was a normal, green day in Forks. The only thing that was new was Emmett's new state of health. After several decades of living as a vampire and breathing, never, ever, had he had any trouble with that little habit of inhaling and exhaling.

That is, until now.

"Emmett, shut up!" snapped Rosalie for the fifty- seventh time in fifty-seven minutes.

"I'm hic-sorry" hiccupped Emmett. "I, unlike you, prefer to hic-breathe because it makes me feel human! Geez!"

"Well, at least I don't have to deal with freaking hiccups!" Rosalie glared.

Emmett glared back, but his ferocity was broken when he hiccupped, causing him to double over in laughing.

Rose frustratedly sighed. "Well, at least can you _try_ to get rid of them? It's driving me insane!"

"'Kay, then what do hic-you suggest we-hic do?"

There was a silence, occasionally punctuated by random hiccups.

"I hic-know!" Emmett leapt off the cushy leather couch. "Let's call-hic Bella. I am sure she has-hic had these hic-things a lot more than I-hic have!"

Rosalie said, "I have to agree Emmett. For some reason, you're actually semi smart today instead of totally dumb."

Ignoring the sharp comment, Emmett picked up the phone and dialed Bella's number."

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella!"

"What's up?"

Emmett suddenly looked sheepish. "Er, well, this is going to sound stupid, but I need your help."

"Then spit it out already." Bella responded sounding slightly annoyed.

"I have the have the hic-hiccups. How do I get hic-rid of them?"

" Oh, don't worry. I know just the thing. Edward probably knows some stuff too.

We will be over will be over as fast as possible. This is a real crisis." Bella joked.

Emmett though, took it seriously. "Thank you so much! Oh, and hug Edward for me."

"Um, why?"

"He has a hic-Volvo. You'll be here faster than if you-hic drove."

Bella laughed. "Ok then. Bye Emmett."

" Bye Bella."

When Emmett then hung up, Rosalie went over and swiftly pulled him into a crushing embrace.

"She better be over soon. It's hard to kiss a guy who hiccups." Rosalie huffed, sounding half annoyed, half satisfied.

"Don't-hic worry. She'll be here-hic pronto."

"Hic."


	2. Chapter 2

Finally, after fifteen brutal minutes of waiting, Emmett and Rosalie heard a screech of Volvo tires in the driveway.

"Bel-hic-la!" Emmett hic-ed when she strolled in the door in the arms of his brother, Edward. "Took you long-hic enough."

Rosalie stepped forward, glancing at Bella. "So, can you cure him?"

"Cure Emmett? What?" An older blonde vampire asked as he sauntered down the staircase from his study.

"Hey Carlisle. Emmett has the hiccups, so I, being an expert on humans, have been called to cure him." Bella giggled. "With an occasional help from Edward."

Carlisle snorted. "I really doubt that Edward will be of any assistance to you."

Bella smirked.

"Hey," Edward stepped in defensively, "I've had the hiccups before."

"Yes, but who-hic is the human here-hic?" Emmett asked pointedly.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Take it away, love." He smiled at Bella.

She blushed. "Okay." She started pacing. "The first thing I usually do when I have the hiccups is hold my breath."

"O-hic-kay." Emmett took in one dramatic gulp of air and held it.

Carlisle settled down on one of the living room's armchairs to watch. "Because I have declared myself the supervisor who knows all, I can tell you that it is not working. He is a vampire, and not using his diaphragm will not harm him unlike in a humans'. So, I say this will not work."

Emmett stood, leaning against the fireplace, his body randomly jumping from the muted hiccups.

"Who cares? Its something to do." Edward replied and held his breath.

"This is pointless. You all know perfectly well that there is no need for this. You can survive without breathing, like Carlisle just said." Bella huffed.

"You guys can be so juvenile. If you're going to make a game out of this, then at least we should make it interesting." Rosalie snorted.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Bella asked inquiringly.

A secretive smile formed across her face. "You'll see." And then, like a jet, she raced up the stairs.

Bella sat down on the floor cross-legged. "What do you think she's planning?"

"Well," Carlisle said, amused, "You never know what to expect with Rosalie. She could be getting the chainsaw, or just a pumpkin seed. Oh, here she is now." He said as Rosalie gracefully zoomed into the room.

She was holding a large velvet bag, obviously stuffed to the brim with things.

"We," Rosalie said, "are going to make them laugh."

"And your point is?" said Carlisle.

" We know that to laugh, vampires need to breathe. It's the only time it is necessary to. So, we are going to make them laugh. And then, we can finally get back to getting rid of Emmett's hiccups."

Then, out of the bag she pulled a joke book, pantyhose, a cell phone, fat suits, a CD, and last, but not least, a McDonalds' Happy Meal.

"Okay, who ready to have some fun?" Rosalie shouted.

And of course, Bella and Carlisle laughed when they saw the looks on Emmett and Edwards faces.

"Up first, we will have Carlisle." Rosalie threw the joke book in Carlisle's direction, who, as usual, caught it.

"Since this is round one, I'll go easy on you boys." He opened the book. "I will leave the difficult stuff to the ladies. That is, for the moment being."

"Get on with it Carlisle, I want my turn." Bella wiggled on the floor.

"Alright, alright. First joke." He cleared his throat for dramatic purposes.

"CARLSLE!"

"Haha. Okay. What do you call a sheep with no legs?" He paused. "A cloud!" Emmett didn't even blink. And Edward just rolled his eyes and began playing with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.

"I have a better one. How about….aha! What happens wehn it rains cats and dogs?"

Edward smirked.

"You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!"

Rosalie snatched the joke book from Carlisle's hands. "Plan A is officially over. The only time I have ever heard cornier jokes was back in '83 at that pub down in Los Angeles."

Indignantly, Carlisle asked: "What now?"

It was Bella's turn to answer. "I know just the thing."

She pulled out the nylon pantyhose. "The party's just is getting started."

Bella looked around. "Where are the bananas?"

"In the kitchen."

"Okay. Be right back."


	3. Chapter 3

"Got them!" Bella waved the bananas around. "I can't believe you guys actually own food."

"Well, Bella, when you come we need to feet you." Jasper shrugged as he walked in.

"Hi Jazz. Emmett has the hiccups. And he and Edward are having a breath holding contest, which is pointless. But Rosalie and I are trying to make them laugh." Carlisle chuckled.

"Oh. Cool. But I think I'll just watch." Jasper leaned against the wall.

Bella promptly began stuffing her head into one leg of the pantyhose, the other she gave to Rosalie.

Rosalie, of course, was highly affronted. "I am NOT putting that on my head."

"Please?" Bella begged.

She sighed. "Alright, but ONLY this once."

Emmett snickered.

Once both were panty hosed, Bella gave one banana to Rosalie, and kept the other.

"Follow my lead. Jasper, time me." Suddenly, Bella began stuffing banana through the pantyhose, attempting to eat it.

She looked hilarious. Her hair was sticking out in random directions, and the banana was mostly on her face, not her mouth.

This time, Edward snorted. That was a good sign.

Carlisle, though, lost it. He laughed his melodious laugh. He was laughing so hard; he fell of the couch and began pounding the floor in hysteria. Unfortunately, he was punching a hole on the freshly polished floor. Jasper, then, lost all self control too. He stamped his foot against the floor, laughing his raspy laugh, dirty blonde hair falling in his eyes. Within 3 seconds, Esme was in the living room, her hands on her hips, glaring furiously at her hysterical husband and adopted son.

"Carlisle, Jasper, stop this instant!! That floor was expensive. Its mahogany from Italy, you know." Esme scolded. That's when she spotted Bella stuffing her face with banana.

"Uh…I do not want to know." She said, shell-shocked.

But Jasper quickly filled her in between laughs.

"Well that's…lovely." Esme said.

"Okay stop." Bella finally gasped. The banana peel was on the floor, empty, and the banana looked like most of it was just smeared across her face.

Jasper looked his watch. "47 seconds." He said, regaining most of his composure.

Bella sighed. He face was tinged green. "I think I'm going to barf." She clutched her stomach and groaned in agony. "That was stupid."

Edward quickly turned, his face looking concerned, and swiftly swept her to the bathroom where she was heard violently retching.

"I think Bella's going to need to sit out for a bit." Carlisle commented, being his regular medical genius.

"I noticed." Jasper commented sarcastically.

"I think I'll pass on this." Rosalie said sounding disgusted. She pulled the nylon off her head, and began sorting through the stuff dumped on the floor. She picked up the fat suits and CD.

Bella came out of the bathroom, in Edward's arms. "I give up." Edward said. "I will be in my room with Bella." He looked at her tenderly and vanished up the stairs.

"Since Bella cannot participate at the time being, I shall pick a volunteer from the audience. Carlisle, if you please." She beckoned.

"I believe the term 'volunteer' means it is their choice." Carlisle protested loudly.

"Haha. I chose you. Now get over here so Emmett will breathe."

"Fine. But you tell no one of this. Deal?"

"Deal."


	4. Chapter 4

The room was nearly empty, with just Emmett and Jasper settled quietly on the floor. Esme had gone to Port Angeles to escape the chaos. The furniture had been shoved against the wall, and it was dead silent. That is, with the occasional retch and splatter of Bella up the stairs in Edward's room. There was an audible thump and Edward appeared at the foot of the stairs. He strode to the bathroom, yanked open the medicine cabinet, grabbed a blue bottle, a glass, and filled it with water.

"Hey Edward," called Jasper. "That for Bella?"

"Yeah, its for her—she has the flu. Apparently, she hasn't felt to great all day." He turned to go to Bella.

Carlisle poked his head through the door. He kept the rest of his body hid. "Want me to take a look at her?'

"Nah," Edward replied. "But if I need help mopping up Bella's vomit, I'll let you know."

"Alright."

"Oh, and Carlisle? You don't look half as bad as you think." Edward grinned, and was gone. He could be heard coaxing Bella to take the pills.

The room fell silent, with ad occasional punctuation of Emmett's silent spasms. Suddenly, from the 100,000 surround sound loudspeakers blasted a gratingly loud hip-hop song.

"MEET ME IN THE TRAM, ITS GOIN' DOWN, MEET ME IN THE MALL, ITS GOIN' DOWN, MEET ME IN THE CLUB, ITS GOIN' DOWN, ANYWHERE WE MEET ME GUARENTEE ITS GOIN' DOWN!!"

"WHAT THE F—" Jasper yelled before Emmett smacked him in the face.

Rosalie and Carlisle, on beat with the music, crashed through the narrow doorframe. They were wearing the largest body suits ever seen. And it didn't end there. Over the suits they wore super tight skinny jeans, orange cone bras, checkered bandanas, oversized yellow plastic sunglasses, and tie-dyed Uggs. Though they were gorgeous vampires, they still obviously looked like complete idiots.

And to add to the ridiculousness, they were attempting to break dance. But just because vampires are naturally graceful but nature does not mean it always apply. The dancing was like watching a dead fish going through a defibrillator, or a whale attempting to do the can-can.

Jasper, being the weak one when it comes to funny things, once again, lost control of himself. He laughed so hard; tears were fluidly streaming down his cheeks. He shrieked in amusement, rolling onto his back and flailing like an upturned turtle. He kicked the floor so hard; there were holes where his feet had hit the ground. There was no Esme here now to tell him off. Unfortunately for him, there was a rubbery screech of Porsche tires in the driveway. Within seconds, a lithe, black haired vampire stormed through the door, stomping her moccasin clad feet as she went. The pounding music from the speakers stopped.

"JASPER! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? I WAS DOWN IN SEATTLE WHEN I GOT A FLASH THAT DEPICTED YOU SCREWING UP THE FLOOR! ITS—" Alice seethed. She hadn't even noticed Rosalie and Carlisle's antics.

"ITS RATHER EXPENSIVE!"

"Irony…" coughed Carlisle.

Alice glared at him, and then continued on Jasper. He shrank back against the wall.

"THAT IS GOING TO COST YOU JASPER!" She slammed her fist against the coffee table to emphasize her point.

Of course that table was Tiffany.

And of course, it was destroyed.

There was an awkward silence in which Carlisle now sneezed: "Double irony!"

Emmett snickered.

He giggled.

He attempted to hide his snorts, but failed dramatically.

He exploded with laughter.

It rang through the entire house.

FORKS HIGH PARKING LOT:

Mike Newton was sitting on the hood of beat up Chevy, flirting with a pretty girl from English class when he heard distant laughter.

"Hey," Mike said, "Did you hear that?"

The girl shook her head.

He must have been imagining.


	5. Chapter 5

Fat tears rolled down Emmett's face and onto his lap

Fat tears rolled down Emmett's face and onto his lap. He rocked back and forth. He wailed, clutching his stomach. At this point, the room was entirely silent except for Emmett's booming cackles.

Edward was at the bottom of the steps, looking irritated. "Can you shut him up? Bella's sleeping." He asked Rosalie, who had shed her costume moments before.

"My pleasure." She responded. "Emmett! Shut up now or I'll force feed you four dozen eggs!"

That shut him up.

"Hic-Rose! The last time you-hic did that I was si-hic-ck for a month-hic!" Emmett whined.

"Exactly." She smirked. "Thanks Rosalie. I owe you." Edward flashed her a lopsided smile. A second later, he was gone.

"I'll be keeping you to that!" She called quietly. But she knew he heard.

Alice looked satisfied. "Well, that takes care of that. Jazz, help me carry my bags in from the Porsche."

"You can obviously carry them by yourself, being super strong and all." Jasper muttered.

Alice pretended not to hear him. "Then we need to help Edward care for Bella. He doesn't know how to care for a sick girl."

"At least he won't make her try on clothes, though she's been throwing up half the afternoon."

Alice shot Rosalie a glare and pranced out of the room, Jasper reluctantly following.

Edward came downstairs again, this time with a sallow, sleeping Bella wrapped in a blanket in his arms. "I'm taking her home. I don't know what is happening next, so she will need her peace to get better for school on Monday." He waved, and swept himself and Bella out the door.

Carlisle took off his costume, putting it on the couch for Esme to put away later. "Well, I'd better be going too. I'm taking the night shift again. It's starting in thirty minutes. Call me if you need any help with anything." He traipsed out the door, leather briefcase in hand, with doctor's coat in the other.

Emmett turned to Rosalie and smiled. "It's hic-just us now-hic. We can finally-hic figure this-hic out."

She smiled back, but her smile was devilish. "The fun is just beginning." She leaned in for a hug. But suddenly, outside the Tiffany glass stained window, there was a blast. "BOOM!" And Rosalie crumpled to the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

"OMYGAWD! ROSE!" Emmett yelled. He frantically lifted the disfigured sofa off Rosalie's crumpled body. He normally sleek hair was matted with dust and some other strange gray goop. The left leg was bent in an odd angle, with both her silver stilettos were without stilettos. Roughly, she coughed, and shifted slightly, ripping her blue cashmere sweater even more.

"Rose…speak to me. Please…I cant live…ahem, exist without you." Emmett crooned, stroking her ash covered face.

Rosalie groaned, and moved into sitting position. "Dang. Why does everything in this house have to be Tiffany?"

"Well," Emmett said, relieved, "It was on sale."

"Emmett, you idiot." Rosalie smacked his arm. "At least your hiccups are gone."

"Yeah, yeah you're right! Yesss!" Emmett punched the air

The front door creaked open. Somehow it was still attached to its hinges. Carlisle crept in.

"Sorry. The bomb-I mean, car, backfired." Carlisle smiled bashfully. He exchanged a knowing glance with Rosalie. Emmett caught on.

"WHAT? YOU MEAN THIS WAS _PLANNED?_" Emmett leapt to his feet.

"Erm, its…possible." Rosalie said.

"Well, we decided to set off a bomb to scare you into forgetting your hiccups. And Rose getting hurt was intentional." Carlisle shrugged.

"WHAT??" CARLISLE!! IMMA STRANGLE YOU WITH A…YAK!" And Emmett was after Carlisle who bolted as soon as he began speaking.

Eight hours later, Emmett and Carlisle were panting on the Oriental rug, and Rosalie, freshly showered, was sitting on the floor, silently laughing at the two men.

Emmett rounded on Rosalie. "Rose…never scare me like that again…" he gasped.

"It was worth it." She retorted. She got up to leave. "And honey? I just cleaned what Carlisle blew up, so be a dear, and keep it that way." She smiled. "I'm glad that your hiccups are gone."

But just as she was at the top of the stairs, she heard a quiet but definitive sound.

"Hic!"

"Aw, crap," she muttered, and raced down the stairs, leaving behind a trace of Chanel No. 5.

**sorry this was so short. this was just a filler. ill update in a week or less!**

**--vi**


	7. Chapter 7

"EMMETT

"EMMETT!" Rosalie shouted at the top of her lungs.

"What di-hic-d I do?" Emmett whined.

"What do you think?" She growled, grabbing him by the collar of his pine green polo and lifting him off the ground. It was a rather peculiar sight; a small, lithe blonde throwing around a burly, dark haired guy.

"Woah, woah, Rose, calm down," Carlisle interjected, leaping to his sore feet. "We can solve this another way without beating your husband up." He pulled Rosalie off Emmett, who at the moment, was getting his pummeled in by Rosalie.

Emmett moaned. "Well, that's bruising." He rubbed his face.

"Alright, all we need to do is keep working on this, and think of a plan. Though I did live several hundred years ago as a human, I do believe I remember some ways I got rid of hiccups."

"Now you decide to tell us!" Rose said, irritated.

"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," teased Emmett. "Ouch!" he said as Rose smacked him upside the head.

"Ever listen to the wise prophets of like, COMMON SENSE?" Carlisle snapped, slightly annoyed. "Violence. Is. Not. The. Best. Way. To. solve. Your. Problems."

"I –hic- like that one. Ow!" Emmett said when Rosalie punched him. "Soon, I will –hic- be getting out the steaks for-hic- my fa-hic-ce."

Carlisle laughed, but was cut off when a resounding bang echoed through the living room. They all froze, then slowly turned to see the cause of the doorway.

It was a woman. Her tall stature overwhelmed the room, and with white with purple streaked, back length hair, there was a fearful yet mysterious air around her. She was clad in a black leather jacket and deep plum dress that reached the ground with a train trailing behind. She smiled, bearing her fangs.

"Ah, Carlisle. How lovely to see you."

Emmett and Rosalie stiffened even more, for they did not know this woman. Carlisle, on the other hand, relaxed, but kept his fists balled.

"Antonella." Carlisle curtly nodded. "How have you been?"

"Quite lovely, thank you." She swept across the room in an instant, and peered outside. "Your garden has blossomed beautifully since I last was here."

Emmett coughed. "She's been here before?"

Rosalie interrupted. "Can I have a word with you, Carlisle?" Her eyes shot daggers.

Looking slightly wary, Carlisle allowed himself to be lead out of the room. "One moment Antonella."

"Of course." She winked.

"Carlisle," Rosalie said, once they were out of earshot, in Edwards's room. They had installed soundproof walls in there when they moved in two years ago. "Who was that?"

Carlisle sighed. "I knew I couldn't keep this from you forever. She's my fiancé."

Then was silence.


	8. Chapter 8

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Rosalie and Emmett roared, except random hiccups disrupted Emmett's words.

"You heard me." Carlisle tiredly sat down on the Edward's sofa. "When I was thirty, I stayed with a family of vampires. No. They were more of a pair. It was Antonella, and her very proud father, Pellegrino. Shut up, Emmett," As Emmett snickered at the name.

Rosalie pinched his cheeks, hard. "Yeah. I want to hear this story."

"Oww!" Emmett screeched. "I need tho-hic-se steaks now. Don't conti-hic-nue without me." He slammed the door.

"Anyways, back to the story. See, I was just discovering that I could feed off of animal blood. So, I was still unstable. I found the two in the woods, hunting a human who had gotten lost."

"YOU STARTED-HIC- WITHOUT ME!" Thundered Emmett, whose voice was not muffled at all even though it was covered with a huge steak. Then again, the eye and mouth holes might have had something to do with it.

"SMACK!" was the sound of Emmett's steak being slapped to the floor, but now by Carlisle. Emmett huffed, but was quiet.

"Anyways, when I saw them hunting that human, I realized how much I was against human blood. I would be taking the life of an innocent human, and then I would truly be a monster. I felt a strong urge to protect that human. I was angry." Carlisle took a breath.

"So, I threw myself at Antonella. Because I was a newborn vampire I overpowered her, and with rage, I could have ripped her head off in a split second. But Pellegrino was fast. He pinned me. He was about to kill me, but before he could, Antonella stopped him. She saw potential in me. She wanted to get to know me. There was something about me, apparently, she found intriguing."

"So, abandoning their meal, Antonella and Pellegrino took me to their home a few miles away. They were the type of vampires who did not try to fit in with the human world. They are very unlike our family. For two hundred and forty years, they tried teaching me heir lifestyles.

"Even though I had accepted this lifestyle, I still kept to my animal blood, and with my spare time, I studied vigorously when Antonella an Pellegrino were hunting. I studied for the two hundred years I was with them."

" After two hundred and thirty some years, it was obvious that Antonella and I had a slowly progressing chemistry. Pellegrino, seeing this, immediately welcomed me into their family and arranged our marriage. We were to be wed in ten years time. I believed at the time, Antonella was the one for me."

Then, I still loved Antonella very much. But, one year before our wedding, I came across Esme."

"She was sixteen at the time. And it was 1911. She was yet to be married, and still human. She captivated me. She was the first human in a century that I had had a relationship with. We were friends at that point. But I knew about how hard her father was on her. I realized, then, that how I felt about Esme was more than just friendship. And apparently, the feeling was mutual. I was still not sure how I felt about Esme. I asked Pellegrino if we could postpone the wedding another decade. He was wary, but agreed."

"And then-"

Suddenly, Carlisle broke off.

Antonella was standing at to door with a chainsaw in her hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Antonella revved the chainsaw. "My dear Carlisle," she purred. "How many times have I told you not to tell that story? It brings shame to me and Pellegrino."

She advanced slowly, her footsteps echoing quietly in the fragile silence. She turned on the chainsaw, leering at Carlisle. "Now you will pay. All those years. I still love you. But if you talk about me and my father like this, I have no choice but to exterminate you. My family has too much pride for that. Goodbye my love."

It was so quiet; you could hear the dead yawn.

That is, except for the hiccups.

Then peals of laughter exploded from Antonella and Carlisle.

Rosalie and Emmett stood, dumbfounded and bewildered.

Well, Emmett stood dumbfounded and bewildered; Rosalie looked furious.

"THIS WAS A SETUP?" Rosalie screeched.

"Antonella and I set this up, yes. We were trying to come up with another idea to get Emmett hiccups to go away. I had another tactic in mind, but Antonella thought we should try the good old scare way first. But it didn't work. Pay up!" Carlisle stuck out his hands.

Antonella giggled, and handed over the keys. To Emmett's Jeep Wrangler.

"YOU B-HIC-ET MY CAR? TH-HIC-AT IF CARLI-HIC-SLE LOST, ANTO-HIC-NELLA WOULD GET MY JE-HIC-EP? THAT'S LOW CARLISLE, E-HIC-VEN FOR YOU!" Emmett ran after his adopted father, his arms outstretched, as if ready to strangle him. Carlisle headed for the forest behind the house.

"We'll be back soon!" Carlisle called.

Rosalie, now amused, turned to Antonella.

"Well, this will be a long day." Antonella said casually. "This may be a good time to think up a new plan."

"Wait, what was Carlisle's idea?"

Antonella whispered it at vampire speed.

"We can do this if our plan fails." Rosalie said confidently. "Like ours will."

"Agreed."


	10. Chapter 10

"Is everything in place?" Rosalie asked.

Antonella briefly turned, winked, and resumed hiding behind the piano. "This all you, hon. All I did was supply the goods."

"You sure this'll work?" Rosalie tucked a stray piece of gold hair into her messy bun. "With the hiccups, I mean?"

"Probably not, but hey, after several hundred years, I always wanted to do something like this."

"But with a square wheel in your time, right?" Rosalie teased.

Antonella laughed. "I may be old, but not that old."

"Okay. You win. I'll be outside ready." And Rosalie was gone.

"Wait, did you tinker it right?"

"Yes." Was Rosalie's distant call.

Antonella sighed. This was going to be good.

Five minutes later, there was a rumbling. "Here they come," Antonella whispered, knowing full well that Rosalie could hear her.

"In 3...2..." Rosalie counted. "…1."

There was a crash. Carlisle stumbled in, Emmett only centimeters behind. Emmett was singing. "You put-hic- on quite a show, really had me going, but now-hic- its time to go…curtains finally closing. That was quite a sh-hic-ow, very entertaining. But it's o-hic-ver now."

"What the heck." Carlisle muttered. "What song is that?" (Whoever can answer this question gets the next chapter a day before I post it. The first three people only. Thanks Floridian Girl for the idea.)

"That's not the point. You're a de-hic-ad man."

"Er..I'm already dead, technically speaking. See, a person is marked officially dead when their heart stops beating and the revival processes are v-"

"SHUT UP!" Emmett growled. "You know w-hic-hat I meant."

"Metaphorically speaking, that is."

Emmett snapped. "YOU BET MY BABY!"

"Er…You don't have a baby. And you can't get pregnant. Neither can Rosalie."

"Well, duh! I'm a-hic- guy! Of course I can't get preg-hic-nant!" Emmett swiped at Carlisle, but missed.

Carlisle gave a (vampire) soft roundhouse kick to Emmett's face. "Well, male seahorses can. They hold the babies."

Emmett shook his head, and threw a bear hug at Carlisle. Well, it looked like a bear hug until Antonella heard something crack.

But Carlisle was standing erect, Emmett hunched over. "That felt go-hic-od, thanks." Emmett muttered, stretching. "Now back to-hic- business. Are you call-hic-ing me a seahorse?"

Carlisle pondered that while he sharply Indian burned Emmett's arm. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Emmett scissor kicked Carlisle in the chest. "Do I look stu-hic-pid?"

"Frankly, yes."

"That was a rhet-hic-orical question! The first one-hic- wasn't!"

"Be more specific next time, okay?"

Antonella huffed. She hoped they would wrap it up already. She wanted to try her and Rosalie's tactic.

"Okay, I have a joke for you." Carlisle said as he twisted Emmett's shoulder, then who was promptly tripped. Carlisle looked up at the raging bull called Emmett. "A vampire walked into a bar. What did he say?"

Emmett rolled Carlisle onto his back. Pinning his head to the ground. "You-hic- know, I can easily ri-hic-p your head off now."

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you. He said: Yeah, I'll take a pint of the house special." Carlisle laughed then flipped up, knocking Emmett against the far wall. Then ran out of the house. Emmett followed, yodeling in annoyance.

Antonella emerged from behind the piano, Rosalie was by her in an instant. "Well…we lost our chance," Antonella said.

Rosalie rubbed her neck. "They'll be back."

"It'll go well. I have a question. Are those two always so violent?"

"No. Just when it comes to cars." Rosalie smiled. "I have a question for you."

"Okay, shoot."

"Did I hear yodeling?"


End file.
